Funny Gifts for Friends
The best gift between friends is specific enough to be slightly insulting. This is that, formalised: you pick which of Dante's nine circles your friend belongs in, write their cardinal sin in twenty characters, and they get a permanent grave to prove it.
The argument is the gift
Nobody agrees on the circle. That's the feature. Assign someone to Gluttony and the group chat will spend an afternoon on whether it should have been Greed.
Picking their circle
Nine options, and the specific one you choose is most of the joke.
- I. LimboThe friend nobody can find fault with — which is its own kind of insult when you bury them for it. See who's there →
- II. LustThe friend whose romantic decisions are a spectator sport for everyone who knows them. See who's there →
- III. GluttonyThe friend who has never once said "I'm fine, I already ate." See who's there →
- IV. GreedThe friend who Venmo-requests you for $3.50 — or the one who never pays anyone back. See who's there →
- V. WrathThe friend who has an enemy at every coffee shop, or the one who is passive-aggressive by trade. See who's there →
- VI. HeresyThe friend who starts sentences with "actually" and means it. See who's there →
- VII. ViolenceThe friend who breaks their own stuff. Usually on purpose. Usually at 2am. See who's there →
- VIII. FraudThe friend who "was five minutes away" forty minutes ago. See who's there →
- IX. TreacheryThe friend who repeated the thing you said in confidence. There is a plot with their name on it. See who's there →
What they get
Damnation Vacation sells a numbered, permanent plot in one of Dante's nine circles of Hell. You pay $6.66, pick who it's for, name their cardinal sin in twenty characters or fewer, and choose their circle. They get a public gravestone page with their name on it, their plot number, and a counter tracking how many days they've been down there.
The gift is a link. You send it to them, they open it and find their own grave, and then they send it to whoever they think belongs next to them. That's the whole thing.
Common questions
What is a funny gift for a friend who has everything?
A named plot in Hell — they cannot already own one, and they cannot return it.
Is this mean?
It is only as pointed as the sin you write. It works between friends because the specificity is affectionate; it works badly aimed at someone you actually dislike.
Can several friends each get one?
Yes, and a whole friend group scattered across the nine circles is the most common way people buy it.